do you like being in trouble?

The answer is a resounding “no”.  “So why did you do that?”  “I don’t know.”

This is the most recent discussion between me and my 5 1/2 year old, Hattie.  I seem to remember asking my older daughter the exact same thing at this age….

I think most children have a distinct period of stubbornness.  If your child has never had a period of stubbornness, please do not tell me.  I don’t want to know.  And for goodness’ sake, don’t say it out loud – it could start at any moment!!  Anyway, for some children it is the terrible 2s, 3s for others.  For us, it is 4 1/2 to 6.  It’s a LONG period with a LOT of stubbornness.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that children have to discover their own identity apart from parents and siblings.  But I also know that as parents it is our job to set limits and teach our children about making good decisions and accepting the consequences of their actions, whether good or bad.  Wow.  I just realized that I might watch too much Dr. Phil…

One of my friends once said that she wanted her home to be a place where her children felt free to be themselves without being judged.  She is a smart woman. I didn’t even realize that was something I desired until I read it!

Still, we struggle between setting rules and allowing freedoms.  After having the above dialogue with Hattie for what seems like the 1000th time, I started to question the rules.  Is it really important to stay in your seat during meals?  Yes.  Is it important to be kind to others and try to remember (and follow) the golden rule?  Yes.  Is it critical to be reminded daily how much you are loved.  YES.  Is life fair?  No.  That is the most difficult thing we are dealing with in our house at the moment.  Why did (insert name of choice here) get a piece of gum at school and I didn’t?  Why does she get to have a birthday party in the summer and mine is always in the winter?  Why does she………….?

Unfortunately, “because” is no longer a sufficient answer.  My question is, why do these questions and problems always seem to come up when I am exhausted, busy or stressed?  Because life isn’t fair.  That is so difficult to understand….even for me…..